The tough decisions

This week, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in a long time – I ended my engagement. It took every ounce of strength I had in me. I had to do it for me. As much as it is hard for me to admit, I was not happy and I did not like the person I was becoming. I found myself going further and further down a path I did not want to be on anymore. It was painful to break someone else’s heart, but I had to do it, or else it would have been much more difficult in the future. I would have been even more unhappy and bitter.

One of the biggest lessons making this decision taught me is if you feel like something isn’t right in your life, whether it be a relationship, maybe a job, whatever it is, change it. No matter how much it breaks your heart or causes you some temporary pain, take that risk and do what you have to do in order to be happy. Temporary pain or heartbreak is so much better than continuing on with something that will surely cause you more emotional turmoil in the future. The longer you drag something out that is causing you pain, the harder it will be make that positive change.

I tried to make it work, I tried to convince myself it was the right thing. However, the more you are dishonest with yourself, the more unhappiness you will feel. I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror. I saw this woman who was bitter, angry and didn’t know how to feel happiness. In recent times, I found myself becoming angry at the small things, I found myself becoming this judgmental, bitter and sour human being. Frustration was consuming my life, and I was heading towards a life of bitterness, depression and constant stress. The truth is we were not right for each other. I knew that we weren’t, but I was afraid to say something. I’m glad I did, even though I caused a lot of pain and heartache for him. I know he will be fine, I know he will see this was for the best one day. It was not fair to him or me to drag out this relationship.

It took a lot of courage to make this decision. It was difficult, I was nearing a panic attack before I called it off. After it was done, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt like a new person. I had stopped lying to myself, and to him. If you are unhappy with something in your life and want to make a change, I hope this post can inspire you to do just that. Remember, you must always be true to yourself. Life is far too short to be stuck in a position that is causing you pain and grief. If I can do it, you can do it. I promise.

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